The “Dark Night of the Soul” is a common concept in spirituality, but it can apply to many other aspects of life as well. In our modern society, our careers, our ambitions, and our hobbies have all become as much a part of our person as spirituality has been traditionally. Most forms of spirituality have some kind of answer or at least direction which is “right”, but what is right with a career when there are many choices in front of you, each one going a completely different way and excluding progress in another way?
No Right Answer
For most modern concerns like careers and success, there really isn’t a right answer. There isn’t even a clear, consistent goal that can define success. Careers have so many ways they can grow that it can be hard to pick a direction. Coming to terms with the fact there is not right answer is as important as trying to make progress on your goals.
If you’re looking for a career as a writer, you would have to pick between technical writing and emotional writing, between writing for a campaign and writing for a story. There are so many choices and options in writing and not every one will be applicable or even relevant. Do you pick to start as an editor and try to work your way up or do you hold out for a writing gig to avoid getting pigeonholed on a path you don’t want?
The right answer for these questions will be entirely situational, and the answer you pick may not be the right one. You have to know yourself, and your strengths and weaknesses to know which way to go. You also have to know your experiences and what they are good for, as well as your personality and what works for you and what doesn’t.
I used to be a much better writer for persuasion pieces than technical pieces, but years of experience as a technical writer have changed that. If I wanted to make the move to writing more emotional works, I’d probably want to start as an editor or some other venture which allowed me to refresh myself so I could catch back up, rather than waiting for an opportunity to jump right in. That being said, I wouldn’t say no if the perfect opportunity presented itself.
Don’t fixate on the ultimate right answer, pick the answer which is right in the moment and doesn’t hurt your goals.
Staying Motivated
Any endeavor can feel like a complete waste of time or make you think you just aren’t good enough if you stick with it long enough. I plateaued time and time again while learning Chinese, but I had to stay motivated. Remind yourself why you’re doing it and have clear goals to keep going. After a while, the plateau is just a step you’re staying at to take a breather.
Have goals and milestones for tomorrow, this week, next week, next month, and so on. Having something, even somewhat trivial, to reach for can help keep you motivated. Make your goals reasonable too. You can’t expect to memorize 50 words a day in a foreign language if you work full time and have a kid, but if you set your expectations too low, you can harm your motivation just as much.
Reasonable, frequent goals combined with internal motivation and time management can help you stay motivated. Preventing burn out by following something like my method detailed here for studying can also help you prevent getting burned out while working on your goals. Keep your pace, you can’t sprint the whole marathon and expect to win, but you can’t just walk either.
If you don’t have something you’re working for, find it. Try a new hobby. Read a book all the way through. Look into training or classes about something new. Go for a walk. All of these can help you find motivation to keep going in general, or help you unlock a new path.
Shifting Gears
Sometimes the best way to get through the doldrums is to shift gears. This can also help if you have trouble figuring out what you even want to do or which way you want to go. If you’re trying to find the perfect career, it might be worth going and taking a walk once in a while to clear your head.
Shifting gears is a great tactic when trying to avoid burnout as well. You can work on the same thing over and over and stop making progress, but sometimes, a few minutes of something else can help shake loose the rust. A quick walk or a random chore can give you the time to chew on a thought that obsessing about isn’t helping with.
Burnout is a major contributor to the dark night of the soul. Grinding yourself down to where you can’t even associate your tasks with positivity is just as bad as not being motivated and not caring. Letting yourself get burned out also makes decision making harder and harder, especially since most of us don’t have the option to just walk away from everything for a while. Shifting gears frequently and productively can give the breathing room you need without letting things pile up.
Changing Priorities
This is like shifting gears, but at an even higher level. Sometimes you just need to step away from the given goal entirely to get perspective. This doesn’t mean to go live in the woods as a hermit instead of figuring out your career, but try to focus on your family to see what matters most.
Changing your priorities for a while and focusing on other aspects of your life can help give you perspective of what you really want to do. Some people want an easy job so they can spend more time with their family, some people crave success and define themselves with their careers. Either way is fine as long as you are happy and those around you are happy.
A complete overhaul of priorities for a while can give you the time you need to chew through your dark night of the soul to find your bearings again. Many people don’t really know where their priorities lie, and shifting your priorities in the interim can give perspective to what you really want to do so that you can make progress towards discovering your goals and who you really are. Don’t throw everything away, but also, don’t be afraid to postpone a promotion to sort through things, or take a leap you wouldn’t normally to see how things play out.
Taking It A Day At A Time
Sometimes, there’s no getting around the impact of your frustrations and stress. All you can do at that point is take it a day at a time and just try to make it to the next second so you can make it to the next minute so you can make it to the next hour. Time feels like it’s dragging on forever and nothing is getting done and nothing is changing.
It’s okay. Breathe deep. You just have to make it through the day and then you can rest up and try to do more tomorrow. Sometimes trying to force progress just leads to negative progress. Why step backwards when you can just sit still for a minute? You don’t go out and try to lift your personal best after you just get an injury, and you shouldn’t try to press through the absolute lowest doldrums if you’re just working against yourself doing so.
Don’t just sit and despair, but sometimes you just need a mental health day. Take a break and the next day try to do something productive, even if it is small. A chore or two, or a positive experience, or even just going to get a change of scenery can be the catalyst to clearing out the funk. Having small goals can help too as you give yourself a way to stay accountable to not just keep taking mental health days and procrastinating.
Staying Positive
You need to stay positive through the entire thing as much as possible. You’re not going to, but it’s okay. This is all a test of patience, and if you stay motivated, positive, and keep yourself healthy and happy, you will make it through. Take care of yourself and accept that there may be no right answer you’re looking for and that showing up and making it to the end of the day is half the battle.
All of the other techniques help to contribute to keeping positive and making progress. Being positive, even about minuscule goals, can set the stage for being positive about the whole process. Don’t think you don’t know what you’re doing, but focus instead on what you know you don’t want to do, or even the small fragments which work towards the puzzle of what you do want to do. Failure is just a stepping stone to new knowledge and wisdom if you stay positive and receptive.
Conclusion
Getting through the dark night of the soul requires you to have goals and a purpose or else you have no way forward. Pacing yourself and resting when weary can help you make it through. If you travel in the middle of the night, you don’t expect the same pace as traveling during the day, so you can’t expect it when things are at their worse in life.
Just keep creeping forward and tell yourself why you need to keep going and you can get through it. There may be no right path, but that’s okay. It all comes from you. You have to choose to go forward, stay put, or go backwards. With a little help, you can wait out the night and make it to the new light of dawn. You may go backwards thinking you’re going forwards, but as long as you go carefully, you’ll make it eventually.
Image by Harut Movsisyan from Pixabay